What He Said. A Follow up to: You Are Welcome, New Dad

A few months ago, I met a funny guy who was about to become a dad, for the first time.  Or, at least to his knowledge.  (Jokes).  We got to talking and I later wrote a blog with my New Dad Survival Guide based on our conversation.

You can view that post here (if you are a disloyal supporter of my cyber-rants and have not already read it):

You Are Welcome New Dad

He recently reached out to me and said that after going from scared-dad-to-be to new dad, he had a follow up to my post.

After reading (and snort-laughing at) his email, he said I could put it on my blog- as long as he remained anonymous.  

I obviously consented so that I could spread some giggles with the loyal ones of you ;) 

Here is what new, remaining-anonymous dad has to say:

"I may or may not be the scared dad previously mentioned. 
That was then, this is now: 
I have survived parenthood for exactly 10 days.  More importantly my daughter and wife have as well. 
I wanted to check back in on the list and see how crazy our family really is.  After re-reading the list I have realized that we are, in fact, quite normal.  We have done the bulk of the list and my go-to answer to everything is 'what can I get you, sweetie?'   
From scared dad to real dad, I have a few observations to add: 
--When mama is catching up on the sleep that she missed throughout the night feeding and changing diapers, etc. you don’t refer to it as 'sleeping in'. 
--Everything needs directions and none of them will be remotely helpful.  When trying to piece together anything baby related there are only two steps and a diagram that may as well have been drawn by your newborn.  'Insert support A into…' I’ll show you where to insert it Graco. 
--Nothing will ever be within arms reach.  Nothing.  Ever.  Just sat down with baby in one arm?  Yep, side table is perfectly aligned with your other arm, along with your phone, remote, and drink.  Switch arms and risk stirring baby or quench your thirst in an hour? 
--Never trust a dirty diaper.   
--While dealing with diapers, always be prepared for round 2.  Apparently the comfort provided by a nice clean diaper is breeding grounds for just a little more poo.  I am on to your tricks tiny one.  
--Breast pumps are underrated.  Assembling things and playing with electronics are pretty fun for a man and where else do you get to do that in the name of boobs?  It’s just wise to remember that as much as you want to mention the images of Coburg that are conjured up, it’s best not to udder (zing) those words. 
--Hand sanitizer reminds me of college.  Maybe it’s the fact that it smells exactly like one of those cooler drinks we would make with Everclear and partially rotten fruit.   
--Onesies are a cruel joke.  Who designed these?  Here’s an idea, let’s design something in which you can partially strangle your child while almost breaking their arm, all in the name of making them wear an embarrassing pun (well, at least the puns are funny…sometimes). 
In regards to my baby girl, it was love at first sight and I wouldn’t change a minute of it. 
In regards to my wife, I love seeing a completely different side of love from someone that I thought I already knew and loved.   
I guess I still have a lot to learn on the parenthood adventure, but I am not scared anymore."
-Anonymous New Dad

Thank you, new dad, for the update and funny insight!  It is nice to get some male perspective (sometimes).

I believe the lovely fruity cooler beverage that you were referring to is Hunch Punch.  

Hunch Punch.
Bring back memories?  Or, maybe nightmares?

I love that you mentioned that particular beverage.  
A. Because, it brings back memories, or lack there of? 
B. Because, I feel that it sums up life with a newborn pretty perfectly...

--> Hunch is defined as a feeling or guess based on intuition rather than known facts.  (I think this is also a definition for parenthood in general.)  

--> Punch is what you feel has repeatedly happened to you after running on no sleep for several weeks/months in a row.

And, just remember- although at times you will be tempted to drink an entire cooler-full of this beloved college, fratastic beverage that has a tendency to make one forget one's problems- it only gets better!  (And, I do not recommend you drinking in excess of any form unless someone is watching your baby for the entire next two [yes, two- we are not spring chickens] days, in a far away land.)

You and your new family are just beginning your magical adventure, and I wish you a very happily ever after!  

The End,

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