The Grump vs. The 2-Year Old

Apparently- I am a "grumpy" person.  At least according to my son.  I did not even know that word was in his vocabulary; let alone, one of his new favorite words.

The other day I was trying to talk to someone on speaker phone, and as usual- my child was talking non-stop.  (Heaven forbid I have a solely adult conversation OR that he just remain quiet for 3 minutes.)  We have had the discussion many times about how it is rude to talk/yell when someone is on the phone, so it drives me crazy as hell when he "forgets" this simple rule.

I hang up the phone and look (okay, glare) at him.  As I begin to repeat said lecture- he looks at me and says, "Mommy, I sorry you are grumpy."

Me:  "Whaaa?"  Katie- Remember to breathe.  "Ummm."  Deep breath.  "So, let me get this straight.  Did you just tell me 'sorry you are grumpy'?"  (Maybe I had misunderstood?  Maybe he had said "Mommy, I am sorry for interrupting"?)

Kid:  "No, I am not grumpy- you are de grumpy."  Kid slams pointer finger into my rib cage.

Me:  "Did you just poke me?"  I force myself to walk away briefly as to not strangle my only child and attempt to get in a more teacher explanatory mindset/less of a how far can you throw a 35 lb. kid mindset...

I eventually return.  (Mindset being somewhere in between.)

Me:  "No, dearest son of mine.  Mommy is not grumpy.  Mommy is upset by your rude behavior.  When you are yelling whilst I am talking on the phone- I cannot hear what the other person is saying, and that dear defeats the entire purpose of having a phone conversation to begin with."

Kid:  Insert toddler head cock and major attitude here.  "She said dat dey might go to a movie later.  But, dey not sure.  Den dey might..."  

Kid repeats word for freaking word the entire 3 minute phone conversation he had just yelled the whole way through.

Me:  Dumbfounded.  "Well..."  (Well, shit.)  "Well, just because you heard.  I mean.  I am older and can't hear as good.  (Really Katie?)  And.  Yeah.  So.  Umm.  You're rude."  I make my exit. 

Needless to say, after that, I was grumpy for awhile.  I had officially been outsmarted and outsmartassed by my 2-year old.  I was somewhat prepared for this happening in about 10 years from now, but at age 2?!?  I mean, shit.  

Shouldn't he just be telling me things like "Mommy- I hungry." or, "Mama- you so purty!"?  That is at least what I would like to hear.  Not, being called out on my emotional frustrations that were merely a logical result of his bad behavior! 

Why did no one warn me that this level of sass could rear its ugly head this early in a child's life?!?  I would have been better prepared with some good comebacks at least!  Not things like "I am older and can't hear as good?!?"  What was that crap, Katie?  You weren't feeling bad enough for loosing an argument with a 2-year old, that you had to throw your age in there?  

That's just embarrassing. 

Needless to say, this "grump" did at least learn that her son will either be an actor due to his superb memorization skills and his ability to do a stellar dramatic reenactment or a lawyer for his argumentative debating skills and creative use of inductive reasoning.

Either way, he better be buying this grumpy mama some damn good Mother's Day presents in the future for raising his crazy... cute, little, squishy, tiny, white, tushy with a birthmark on the right cheek that looks like a poop stain.  

Hello World!
(Okay, maybe a little bit of future payback?)

Man I love that (smart)ass,
The Dumbfounded Grump


Bigots and Bon Bons: The Job of a Being a Mom

I have seen a lot of articles recently regarding stay-at-home versus working mothers.

I usually try and avoid reading articles on this topic, as they usually just piss me off.  One recently was going around attacking working mothers and I could tell just from skimming some of the comments, that I did not want to read that trash.

I am a stay-at-home mom.

So, I obviously get annoyed with the stereotypes said about stay-at-home moms.  Oh, yes- I am totally bored and sit around all day painting my nails, eating bon bons, couponing, watching all my soap operas, and reading trashy magazines.

Ok- the trashy magazines do sometimes happen, but I am approximately 13 issues behind on my US Weekly Magazine.  I even keep them in the bathroom, so you would think I would have a better chance to stay up to date on those.  However, I have not used the bathroom ALONE in approximately two years.

Case in point:
My son has apparently seen my attempts of trying to catch up on my US Weekly Magazine.
He also thinks Mariah Carey is "pwetty".

As much as I hate the stereotypes against stay-at-home moms, I also get super pissed off at the stereotypes against working moms.  Those are my friends and my family.  Those are good people.  They are not missing out on everything in their child's life.  They are not being selfish.  Odds are good that the nurse who helped deliver your children, have their own children.  But, I bet you were thankful that they were there for you, in your time of need.  They are out there doing great things.  They are wonderful people and wonderful mothers.

I think anyone who writes or says things to try to make themselves appear better than other moms, is an insecure person.  Or, just a jackdick.

It is comparable to when someone you meet asks you if you work or if you stay at home, then immediately feels sorry for you, whatever your answer may be.  I have gotten more "Oh, I am so sorry" nods and expressions than I care to remember.  Get over yourselves.  And, I dare you to ask me what I do all day.

I have also seen that same expression given to working moms.  Really people?  What is wrong with you?  Wipe that look off of your stupid, judgmental face.

Don't get me wrong- it is an okay question to ask someone.  But, you should not have an opinion as to what their answer should be.  For one thing, if you are asking them if they work or not- you obviously do not know them that well.  Curiosity--> fine.  Biased jackdick opinion--> not fine.  Just assume that they are doing what is right for them and what is right for their family.  Because, I can guarantee you that they probably weighed out their options, and chose the best decision for them, not for you.

I personally, pretty much always knew that I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom.  Mind you, I was not closed off to a different career path.  I graduated college, worked several years, tried out a few fields, and then (accidentally, but luckily) became a mom.  Will I always stay home?  I don't know.

I am aware that my desire to stay home with my son, in lieu of a lucrative career, is down right repulsive to some people.  But, I don't care.  I love being at home with my crazy son.  Well, most of the time...  Sometimes, it blows and I miss working, making my own money, having adult conversations about things other than pooping in the potty, not wearing yoga pants and shirts covered in my kid's snot for the third day in a row because I am pretending that I do not know where our washing machine is...  But, I wouldn't change it for the world.  I honestly wouldn't.

Don't get your panties in a wad- I am in no way trying to persuade anyone to choose the path I did.  I know a lot of moms who absolutely love their careers and are damn good at them.  Although it can be hard for some of them to energetically bounce back from maternity leave and dive back into the job pool graciously- often, that is where they need to be.  I also know moms who were counting down the days and could not wait to get back to work.  I completely respect that, and completely respect all of them.

They are moms, just like me.  No better, no worse.  Different in some ways, but- a mom.

And, thank goodness for different.  Can you imagine if all moms, or if no moms were out there in the workforce these days?  I am pretty sure our entire society would crumble.

The amount of unconditional love and worry for your child does not change whether you are at home or at work.  It is an all-consuming phenomenon that is with you wherever you may be and knows no boundaries.

Being a mom (at home or working) is a responsibility like no other.

It is also the hardest and most rewarding job ever.

Damn, I could have just read a magazine if there wasn't so much jackdickery to address.

Till next time Mariah,