I studied advertising at the University of Georgia and found it truly fascinating. I loved learning about the mind tricks that are used to make people believe that they need to buy that totally worthless piece of shit. I graduated confident that I could sell you a polished terd if I wanted to.
The Superbowl was a particularly fun time of the year for us, because our homework would be to watch the ads. Ok- make me, the tv whore, watch tv- don't mind if I do! (Even though, I did mute the game, because I could not care less about the NFL.)
The following Monday, we would all discuss our thoughts on the ads... which ones were the best and which ones made you wonder why the hell they wasted so much money and those 30 seconds of so many viewers lives. Although I could not even tell my teacher what teams had played- I found this discussion so fun. Because, my favorite part of studying advertising was the judging of other people's ads. It is still a favorite pastime of mine.
Thus, I bring you this gem that I scored in my Southern Living Magazine the other day:
Ok. A lot of you probably don't think this ad is too bad, right? Well, we know from the text that the ad is trying to make Charlotte appear romantic. "Well- they have a couple cuddling" you might say. Yes, yes they do. These are my problems with this ad:
-The "couple" looks more like coworkers. So glad they took their blazers off for the big romantic getaway. Because, when I go on a romantic getaway, I make sure to pack my black slacks!
-The awkward hug. Girls do not like your hands on their belly. Do not touch the belly.
-The incredibly large light? work of art? whatever the squid-like heap of glass is that they are lovingly gazing/breaking their necks looking up at- looks like something that will cause you some serious bodily harm. I mean, what in the hell says romance about a huge contraption of jagged glass hovering above your head?
-Next, the room that they are in. What says romance about a large, empty, extremely well-lit room with lots of windows? Is that an empty gymnasium? No wonder she is leaning on him- she is probably pissed off that there is no where to sit! Especially, since she is so tired from just getting off work.
-I am also very skeptical of the shadows. But, again super romantic to be staring into the sun.
-Lastly, I am sorry but the "Charlotte's got a lot" is a stupid tagline. A lot of what? Apparently not any actual couples, good art, or light fixtures? (what is that thing?), candlelit rooms, or freaking furniture.
You know what. Now, I am just worked up and pissed off. Because, Charlotte has got a lot. So, I am very confused as to why this picture of the awkwardly embraced coworkers getting attacked from the sky by a huge glass jellyfish, in a bright-ass empty gymnasium, was chosen as the selling point for Charlotte's romance.
You, Mr. Advertiser, are obviously a very single, straight man.
Again, I bid you ADieu,
Katie (Professional Ad Judger and Polished Terd Salesman)
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